Wednesday, September 27, 2006


I'm not fast at the best of times, its two finger typing, one finger each hand. But I'm sitting here and I'm down to just one. Private hospitals in Thailand are very clean, and the nurses wear cute little retro uniforms like out of 1970's movies.

But really I just want to go home.
So much.

Everything has changed and it's not... its the begining, but maybe not...
I'm scared - And I want a cigarette...
I want a lot of things...
I'm a mess...
So much has happened...

Found Mark and Shanti.
Found out Spence has a job, he's leaving for Indonesia, and the earthquake!
Found out I'll become something I always wanted to be, ssh, not a word.

Lost my temper
Lost my mind
And pretty sure I've lost my relationship. Along with getting very lost in the jungle and buggering my shoulder.

Now I'm bleeding, I don't want to lose anything else.
I don't want to lose anything else.

I just want to go home.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Hush the head

...walked, thought.
Didn't help that much.
Spencer wants to go find the guys maybe, and eat, thats fine by me, tho' I'm not hungry, but perhaps having a chat about what Shantis' and mattress ladys' day was like will hush my head and will take me out of my own thoughts, which would be a releif.
I keep looking at Spence and I have no real idea whats going on in that head of his.
Do I need to?
Might be nice - then again, worse, it might not!
God I'm knackered or something?
I just want to have a quiet night, don't even feel like a drink, I'd love it if Spence would give me a long massage and be extra, extra lovely to me.
Then I'm sure I'd be just fine in the morning.

some days

Friday, September 22, 2006
Some days...
Some days are just wrong on opening your eyes.

Today is one of those days.

Why? I don't know if I know the answer to that.

Mark didn't wake up this morning and didn't go with Shanti to help with the aid work. He's been mooching around looking lost and feeling guilty.

Spencer meanwhile seems a million miles away, well away from me.

Mark misses Shanti, does Spencer ever miss me?

That's another question I don't know the answer to.

That's not quite right is it?

Or maybe it just dosen't sit 'right' with me.

That's the truth, Martha, it doesn't, it really doesn't.


I've got to go and swim or walk or move at least.


Back later.


Thursday, September 21, 2006

Night on Phi Phi

Spence packs the tiniest bag you've ever seen - I think its a matter of honour in some strange way. Meanwhile my toilet bag alone matches for size!

We fly to Phuket, then ferry to Phi Phi island, I love to lie on deck and watch the sky, which if you get sea sick is my top tip. The Tsunami devastated the main port on Phi Phi, tho' incredibly the wonderful survivors are not only 'still standing', so to speak, but also still smile and graciously live with a spirit we could all learn from.

Spence keeps his eye stuck to his viewfinder and looks at the world thro' a lens, as is his wont. He never takes a pic of me - ever. I do notice this fact but it seems vain or churlish or something to point it out. I don't have a photo of us together, which I'd kind of like, not to mention a portrait of me just for him - I'd pose for him in just about anyway he'd like, maybe mention that to him, see if he takes the bait?

Spencer had a call (not from work thankfully, that would really be sods law) but from an old friend who is also going to be here on Phi Phi at the same time as us - Plan is we meet up on the waterfront tonight, watch a fire throwing display and dance ourselves silly. Till then I'm going to catch a few rays and do absolutely nothing, BLISS.

What a night! Not only is Spencers pal, Alika absolutely drop dead gorgeous, but, can you believe it, we also bumped into our dear old Bankok buddies, Mark and Shanti, who were all loved up and on great form, all signs of moody Mark from Pat Pong gone. I adore that Shanti, she's my new best friend, I'm going to get her down to London for next Notting Hill Carnival. We all got pretty smashed and on top of that I slipped Shanti an E, so the fire show and dancing were not only wild but heavenly.

Back to earth, with not so much a bump but a resounding crash, this morning. My head has put on weight overnight, and is now far too heavy for my body, and my mouth tastes like the bottom of a parrots cage, or Spences socks, yuk. Pay back time!
Spences cure is always 'hair of the dog' and as I am fit for little else...

No sign of Alika today, shame, but Mark and Shanti join us on the beach, looking very pleased with themselves, that E looks like it did a fine job. We settle in for a few drinking games, and a lot of laughs. We met, or rather Shanti re-met a new aquaintance, whom I shall call mattress lady, she was bringing supplies to the island and is heavily involved with aid work, helping to rebuild after the devastation of the Tsunami. Shanti very keen to help out in any way she can and has arranged to hook up with her tomorrow, Mark dosen't quite as keen, not what he envisaged as part of the 'practise honeymoon' itinery, but I'm sure she'll persuade him to join her. Fantastic to have our own 'gang' so to speak, and game plan for later this evening is to head for this great music bar on the beach, with maybe a wee tumble with Spence before we go.

Now I wouldn't call it corrupting her, more encouraging her to let her hair down and try new things, its fun tho'. 'Strap it On', for those who haven't heard it is the most fantastic track to dance to and I would defy anyone not to want to get up off their bottoms and move. And thats kind of just how it happened, one minute I was on terra firma, the next, climbing onto the main bar, Shanti just had to join me and boy did she!

Things to do before you die : Dancing on a bar, I recommend hugely, and costs nowt!
The beautiful Alika joined us and when I admired his necklace, the most stunning piece of jewellery ever, he gave it to me. Spences face was a picture, but I pretended I didn't notice, was that mean? Mind you I don't remember him ever giving me a birthday present or even a card, come to think of it.

We played Truth or Dare and I only really mention it because Spence was asked if he'd ever marry me, he of course didn't really answer, was he still a bit jealous and paying me back...? (or ...?) The end of the night was fairly hazy in my mind but am pretty sure that I gave a surprise all of his own. Honestly I get more attention from virtual strangers than I do from my boyfriend half the time.

Creepie Crawlie Feast

Result! Yippee! Spence and me going to spend couple more days here in Bankok before heading off for some sun, sea and sand (and lots of the other 's')on Phi Phi island.
It always takes us a few days adjusting to being with each other, its like another world here, days and nights slide into each other, and half the time I'm not even sure which day of the week we're at.

Spence justs loves freaking me out any given opportunity.Tonight we passed a lady selling insects at the side of the road- edible insects! Like a red rag to a bull, Spence bounds over, and buys a massive bag filled with fried crickets, a cockroachs, and something with really squidgy body,then proceeds to stuff them in his mouth like he had'nt eaten for a week. Try as he might, dangling them in my face, I declined to even attempt a nibble. Am going to be accused of being a wimp for at least a week now!
I do love Spence and adore our sex life but kissing him when I'd not long seen a fat bellied shiny black spider pass thro'those lips of his is not one of lifes biggest turn ons

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Day Two

The plan for today was:

Souvenir and Postcard shopping (allow forty minutes – nothing fancy, picture of that giant bell or something)
A few drinks on Khao San Road
Dinner at half eight (table for two, non-smoking, near Khao San, thankyou Lonely Planet)
A long stroll – riverside round trip, allow extra twenty-five minutes for impromptu fun and frolics.
Back to hotel, general rejuvenation in bar
Planning session in bedroom
Retire prepared for early start next day – a lot to do

But… this all went to shit soon as we ran into that most profound of problems, the scourge of the Orient – no toilet roll, and Shanti a little too giddy to take any notice of reservations about asking strangers for the essential stuff. So she went over to the nearest English looking couple she could find – she only assumed they were English, but in what other nation are cowboy hats de rigeur? Soon we were all chatting away, stranger number one and stranger number two - Martha and Spencer (those were their names, if I remember correctly) - Shanti and I, thick as thieves and loving it, kings of Bangkok.

Unperturbed by local colour – possibly even thrilled by it, Shanti followed and even I, Mark, followed suit. I admit even to enjoying it, thinking to myself, why not? Fuck the plans! To hell with them! I’m with Shanti, and that’s all I need – we’ll find a good time wherever we go.

True to some extent – but through a table covered in bottles who can clearly make out the other side? These people Spencer and Martha, who are they? We know nothing about them. I came away to spend some time with a loved one, someone I want to be with. But maybe I don’t know her so well – maybe she’d rather be a ‘Martha’, and wants me to be a ‘Spencer’. I don’t know, it’s possible I’m just tired, or it’s just the alcohol

For her sake and mine, I hope we don’t run into them again. I’m sure they’re very nice people, back home – but I don’t think they understand. Prostitution isn’t funny. Poverty isn’t a game. We deal with these problems everyday, me and Shanti. We’re doctors. And we came here to escape. Not to have to worry all over again, and this time ten times over – and especially not to forget who we are and to exploit these people, encouraging them to degrade themselves.

I don’t know what Martha and Spencer do. Martha lives in England. Spencer lives in Asia. Something odd there – a couple, but over how many miles? Hardly a model relationship. And we’re the naïve young couple?

It’s five am. Shanti’s gone out – stormed out. Not for good, of course. But it’s never happened before. I’ll wait up for her. But god I’m tired.

Loo roll and random encounters

God, actually I'm knackered but I get so little time with Spence, what with us not only not sharing an address but also a continent. Guess I like a challenge!

Back to Bangkok, feet first. And though it may look rather lovely to be wooed, Spence and I do the 'real life', we don't need no rose-tinted glasses deal - ha!

Not actually quite sure when, or come to think of it, why that was decided on! In fact, was it? And was I in the room at the time?

Sitting there in the warmth of the evening (I love that) next to my boyfriend, it seems a million miles away from home, from the other part of my life, my boyfriend, Spencer, I can feel him squirm right now at that old fashioned Thornton Wilder-like description “My boyfriend? I’m not yours or anyone’s, anything – please don’t label me Martha” – strangely I get a perverse pleasure from doing just that!

There are these two, a couple opposite side of the road from us – And I can’t help watching them – pretty sure they don’t waste time devising wind up’s on each other – mind you he’s either Tommy Cooper or he’s loaded, she never stops giggling at him.

So now she’s giving him a bag – it’s a present – its clothes! And it’s pink! No sure he’s done that particular shade before and its rendered him unable to stand up by the looks of things. Shit. What? It’s like she vibed me or something – she’s staring right at us and heading straight for our table.

Loo roll! It is those small but essential luxuries that can completely change the direction of an evening. Fuck it, I felt like being sociable and Spence and I never go out with any couples, or friends or anyone for that matter – (and there is the added bonus of introducing my darling boyfriend – hehe!)

This particular recipe of four individuals is rather unique and a surprise to me, a nice one too. They are called Mark and Shanti and are so easy to be around, even Spence joining in.

They are going to get married and are on a practice honeymoon – well its just too tempting not to introduce them to the many varieties of The Lady Boys of Bangkok. Hope we don’t scare them too much – here we come Pat Pong!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Day One

Here we are in our hotel room on Khaosan Road looking a bit pale and jet lagged. Shanti was on call the night before, but still looks beautiful. Below is a picture of her the day I asked her to marry me. I can't believe she said yes!

She's doing general medicine so the hours are tough! So well-deserving of this practice honeymoon, my gift to her to make the real thing run smoothly. We've got our insect-repellent, malaria tablets (let's hope we don't need them) and of course a detailed itinerary. I'll fill you in with the plan so far.

Day One. Bangkok
12pm Emerald Buddha
1pm Grand Palace
1.30pm Lunch
2pm Riverboat
4pm Khaosan Road shopping
4.45pm Rest.
6.30pm Pre-dinner stroll
7pm Dinner
8pm Post-dinner stroll
9.30pm Hotel and nightcap
10pm Bed and planning session for next day

Pretty good for someone with no organisation skills, Shanti! (But I'm new to this game so if anyone has any ideas please let me know!)